It Could Have Been Worse!

                                       SHE FELT AS I FELT

                                                                                                   It could have been worse

 LiFe iS fAiR eNoUgH

 SHE
          FELT
                     AS
                            I
                               FELT

 We had been through the meeting together….from start to finish. The meeting was about ending when our supervisor asked us how we felt as we stood up holding each other in one big circle. It took me by surprise since I thought we would rather pray to end the meeting….like with each person uttering a word of prayer. I understood quickly that it wasn’t prayer but how we felt. It started from somewhere….from someone I knew not since I paid less or no attention. I was now hearing words…good words, Ohh! Not all were that good, but I heard words like… I feel great, thankful, inspired, cold, bad, optimistic, hopeful…I feel blemishing*(blemished). It was getting to my turn when I didn’t even realize. It was getting to me…like one more I feel…., then me. I did not know what I will say; I didn’t know what to say. I knew I felt afraid .OO! I did almost all the time. Not something new to me…I was still thinking…of a word…nothing came to mind. Well, I said it anyway. I feel a-f-r-a-i-d, I said. She was next to me, a girl. I wondered what she will say too. I didn’t know her mind but I knew she was optimistic and dauntless….She was normal looking; simple in braids, jeans and a top. She spoke well. I mean she was fluent…very FLUENT. She spoke so well that she became the center of attention as she spoke. I mean that was how I saw her. She could express herself well. I guessed she was a debater…like one of the few debaters who debated and won just because they could speak and speak and speak to defeat!!!, and  not because they spoke with truthful ,concrete, and correct facts. The thing is she could speak to convince. Throughout the meeting, I listened, not when others spoke but when she did. Her words flew so well. She had an accent, whether British or American, I couldn’t tell. In my mind, I guessed she was from a good home. I guessed she was someone who went to faith Montessori, graduated from Wesley girls or Holy Child and planning to further in one of the Ivy League Schools. I guessed she lived a good and happy life. A life devoid of …”what is there to eat? What is there to wear? How can I pay for that?” I guessed she had it all….even if not all, at least what she wanted. And for one thing, I was sure that she was HAPPY…..I had said.”I feel afraid”.  I didn’t know if the others heard it…heard me…but I cared not. It was her turn now, the girl next to me. I guessed she would say…”I feel happy, or thankful or maybe victorious. But she said:” I feel a-f-r-a-i-d”. She felt as I felt. I would have opened wide my mouth and eyes in disbelief if not being in the midst of a group. For me, I felt afraid because I feared something. I had a fear. A fear I knew nothing about. A fear I didn’t understand so any one could too. But for her to be afraid…I kept wondering. What will make her afraid...I wondered. I thought and thought and thought but nothing came to mind which could have been the reason why she felt afraid.

Was this suppose to tell me something?....to teach me something?...to take my mind to something?...that I was not in my situation alone, that other people felt as I felt or I felt as others felt, that my situation wasn’t the worst, that I was better-off, that  others who I thought deserved not to suffer anything suffered something not because of anything but because that was the way of LIFE, that those I thought  rode horses and lived the lives of Kings and Queens also had their own issues, that LIFE is fair enough and that I needed to be thankful and grateful no matter what?.... I went solemn for a while as I murmured to myself…TYLFML (Thank You Lord For My Life)…IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE!!!